It sure is purrty.

Valentine's Day is here. While I am single, many of you non-readers could possibly be getting your love on as we speak. If you aren't, perhaps you forgot to indulge in the capitalistic flurry that marks Feb. 14th; you forgot a gift. tsk tsk.

You could buy Walgreen's jewelry, last minute cheap chocolates, maybe a wilted flower. Or, you could scramble to make something beautiful.

Here are a few tips from someone who has been down the homemade road before (for all holidays):

1) Stick to crafts you know. If you try to learn something new, and don't give yourself enough time, all you end up with is a lopsided key-bowl or construction paper monstrosity.

2) Following this, the cute factor of a crappily made gift with "love" can work to a certain extent, perhaps a terribly composed poem; a dinner you kind of screwed up. But if it's something to display, wear, or otherwise let other people see, you really have to bank on the person receiving the gift, and their capacity to love the cheese.

3) Profess hatred for the holiday, and make up your own anti-one. This serves the purpose of letting you plan a night full of whatever you make up beforehand, while simultaneously letting you make a special evening. Plus you up your hipster-cynical cred ten-fold.

4) Leave a string of articles around the few days before, with stories of terrible lovers, horrible partnerships, and lackluster gifts. (Mention these in conversation as well) Then your simple well made dinner, and tastefully chosen card will be a stark, positive contrast to the onslaught of examples.

5) Chloroform + Clock/Calendar Changes

6) Run away in tears at the mere mention of Valentine's Day (really any holiday). Later, recount terrible tale of dread on said holiday. Deaths, kidnapping, clowns, all fair game.

7) Right as you meet your significant other, exclaim you have a case of the "24-hour comas" and pass out. Don't "awake" until the 15th.

With these tips, you'll ensure a special day. One that truly shows how much you care.